people don't need to be in your life forever
I've spent the majority of my mental energy in the last year putting life questions in the forefront of my thoughts. Examining questions like:
- What makes a meaningful life?
- How do people make and maintain connections after college when they start working?
- What do I want my work/life relationship to look like?
I've spent 70% of my time living at home, working remote and the other 30% of my time traveling and sleeping on couches in Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York and Chicago. In my travels I've had countless conversations with people ranging from my college best friends to a random 60 year old stranger at a dive bar on a Tuesday night.
This piece is concerned with answering the question:
What makes relationships with people feel meaningful?
Broadly speaking, I split the most meaningful relationships with people into two categories:
- A great degree of consistency
- An exceptional amount of influence
People who provide a great degree of consistency in your life are often under appreciated. Think of the friend who always checks in on weekends, the coworker you eagerly gossip with, or the cashier at your local family-run bodega. These individuals have witnessed your highs and lows, likely picking up on subtle cues that reveal your mood. Their impact often goes unnoticed until their consistent presence changes.
In contrast, some people exert an exceptional influence in a short timeframe. Examples include: the career mentor whose single conversation inspired you to pursue your passion; the stranger at a bar who shared invaluable life lessons; or the fleeting summer camp friend/lover who deeply affected you. These individuals leave a lasting impression, and while you might wish for more time with them, their brief but powerful impact often defines their place in your memory.
This leads me to the to the title -- people don't need to be in your life forever to have a lasting impact. At the age of 23, barely a year out of college, I'm at an interesting crossroads of relationships. The structured social environment at university has given way to the unpredictable and fleeting world of adult friendships.
That being said, the past year has been a beautiful tapestry of experiences – from the comfort of home to the excitement of new cities, from old college friends to strangers in dive bars. It's what excites me about being a twenty-something year old -- finding the people who will mean something to me, be it through the consistency or short term depth of influence they can give.